Writing can be such a tricky process. There never feels like enough time to write when I’m on a roll and then, when I have open chunks of time…nothing comes. I’ve often wondered what that’s about and I think I’ve not made much progress in understanding it. Some call it The Muse, others The Creative Flow. I don’t know what call mine yet, but sometimes it just feels like Wild Magic.
Creativity is something one can practice, but not ever fully control. At least in my opinion. The less I try to control it, the easier it is to enjoy it when it arrives. And, in its true wild nature, it can show up, demanding attention at the strangest times. Times that we cannot always stop and honor.
The creative person must strike a fine balance between attending to the wild nature of creativity while still finding a way to exist in a structured world. And that balance is…challenging, to say the least. There are days when all I want to do is write, and yet, I want to pay my bills as well. Other days, I’ve got nothing but time but I stare at the screen for hours with nothing bubbling to the surface.
Creativity, for me at least, is also an attention-monger. The more praise I get for my work, the easier it becomes to create more. I’ve written in many forums and the ones I’ve loved the most are the ones where readers review, like and follow my work, chapter by chapter. I quickly became addicted to the encouragement, the fanfare and with enough voices rising up, it was much easier to ignore the ones that tried to bring me down.
Praise can cast a spell like no other. And can be the lifeboat you need when times are tough and the wild magic is nowhere to be found. The strangest experience in creativity for me is always those bleak moments when I’ve got nothing to say, nothing to write, nothing to create. And I feel like a fraud. As if “real writers” always write.
I know that’s not actually true, but that’s part of the process. That somehow, writers always have their magic. Real writers know how to domesticate it…What an unhelpful thing to think. Maybe someday, I’ll learn the difference between cohabitation and domestication. After all, wild is what makes the creative magic so special!
Baby Update: Called in my order to the clinic yesterday. Plotted out the days I need to start testing and got it all marked up in my calendar. Currently due to ovulate October 26th. Gonna start testing twice-a-day on the 22nd.