This is a list of terms that I’ve picked up along the way. It’s neither comprehensive nor guaranteed to be 100% accurate so please take this with a grain of salt and GTS.

  • GTS – Google That Shit. My cousin taught me that one. Thanks, Andrew!
  • CryoBank – A place that stores frozen sperm and/or eggs for people who need help, in some form or fashion, becoming parents. (a.k.a.: sperm bank, sperm clinic)
  • Sperm Donor – The fantastic and wonderful man who donated his sperm (don’t care why; nothing wrong with making money), went through the vetting process and filled out the forms. Sperm is held in quarantine for a minimum of 6 months and tested for STDs and STI multiple times before the sperm is made available for purchase. Talk to your clinic about various genetic testing they either do automatically or have available, if you’re interested.
  • Sperm – If you don’t know what this is…ask your parents. Just kidding. GTS
  • ICI – Intra-Cervical Insemination, aka – The Turkey Baster Method. Taking a syringe and injecting sperm close to the outside of the cervix. This has the lowest chance of pregnancy, around 8% last time I did my research.+
  • IUI – Intra-Uterine Insemination – Taking washed sperm and injecting it by syringe, directly into the uterus by way of bypassing the cervix with a catheter.
  • Sperm Wash – The process of washing sperm and removing the protein coating so it can be safely injected into the uterus. This is a huge deal. Doing an IUI without a sperm wash is super dangerous and can cause anything from terrible cramps to occasional death. The uterus cannot tolerate the protein coating that would usually dissolve while the sperm travels past the cervix. This is why, when having an ICI, you don’t have to wash the sperm.
  • Ovulation Tracking – The process of tracking the time at which your ovaries release an egg (or more) and begins the clock on your fertility window. When using frozen sperm, the sperm don’t last as long as “fresh” sperm do, so your ovulation window becomes extremely important. When the test you’re using says you’re ovulating, you’ve got a window of about 12-36 hours to perform the insemination so the sperm has it’s best shot at reaching the egg. In conjunction with using a home ovulation test, it’s also a good idea to pay attention to cervical mucus and track your basal body temperature (BBT) which typically takes a little jump before you ovulate.
  • BBT (Basal Body Temperature)– the internal temperature of your body when it is fully at rest. Best measured by a thermometer that measures at 2 decimal places and right after you wake up in the morning. (If you’re a fitful sleeper like me, this might be a bit of a challenge and less of an ovulation predictor for you than for others who typically sleep better).